The Value Of A Good Pity Party
4 min readFeb 6, 2021


Having a pity party for yourself is a great vacation from feeling responsible, trying so hard and an opportunity to surrender into acceptance. Maybe not the right kind of positive acceptance but you are still experiencing being in the moment; jammies, TV bingeing, or enjoying a good cry. My personal pity party is usually when I get pissed at God and the universe, stomping my foot, reminding the universe how hard I am trying to cope and then asking if possibly God and whole f — -king universe is on vacation or something? Once I get it out of my system (length of time always varies), I am ready to roll up my sleeves again and do whatever it takes to make my life work.

We all have days when bad things seem to outweigh good ones and we begin to think that life isn’t fair. You get stuck in traffic, which makes you late for an important meeting, and then your car gets towed. “Why me?” Events like this, can test anyone’s ability to be grateful and feel optimistic. If you have a tendency to feel sorry for yourself, and many of us do, things usually progress to the next stage: the pity party. You begin to feel like the innocent victim of a dismal fate because you are seeing your life through inaccurate and ‘less than’ lenses. Most of the thoughts that run through your mind at times like these are not helpful. They mainly serve to increase your indignation and feelings of powerlessness. What these feelings and thoughts don’t and cannot do is change your circumstances or make you feel better.

When you have a terrible day, there should definitely be a time and place to process your feelings. It’s important not to pretend that you are fine with things when you aren’t. It’s also important, however, to recognize when you are actually immersed in a pity party. It’s a good idea to set some kind of time limit to fully express your emotions and not feel guilty, ashamed, or judge yourself about having done it. Having a friend witness with you during this process can be helpful. You may also want to write about your feelings. When your time is up, let go of the negativity you just expressed. You can declare your intention to a trustworthy friend. If you’ve written down your feelings, you can then burn the piece of paper.

Try not to dwell on unpleasant experiences and do everything you can to avoid holding onto leftover negative emotions. When you indulge in self-pity, you only make a bad day worse. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, release the notion that your role in life is being a victim, and stay focused and start noticing the good all around you that exists in your life. If there are moments you just want to stay in your jammies and eat a pint or quart of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, serial watch your favorite TV shows or movies, do it but for God’s sake, enjoy it!

Your brain has a 1,2,3,4,5 mechanism in your subconscious behavior. Give yourself a pity party time limit, then if you see you are falling back into victim behavior……Count slowly: 1,2,3,4,5 and when you hit the number 5, get up and take a shower, take a walk, clean your closet out or anything that is not in the realm of a slug. The 5 count is how long it takes for your body, emotions and thought process to automatically fall into a groove of doing or thinking in a manner that you have been doing in your latest energies. Whether it has been a week, a month, a year or a lifetime. If you have a behavior or belief foundation that you want to break, on the 1–5 countdown; on the number 5, purposely change what you were thinking into something positive, a new thought focus or physically choose a different action. Our brains are nothing but big computers working on program apps. Sending out commands to the body but it also has the ability to work in reverse, if you purposefully create a physical motion of direct defiance to that habit. It doesn’t matter where the behavior, beliefs or thought process came from, you have the power and ability to dance to your own tune, not someone else’s stale opinion of you.

Enjoy your pity party, then get out of your jammies, take a shower, get dressed and then go conquer the world!!!!!!

‘Courage Sans Peur’ (Courage w/o Fear)
To Contact Susan Z Rich:
Emotional Addiction Counselor and Intuitive
Author of Soul Windows..Secrets From The Divine by Susan Z Rich on



Susan Z Rich is an Intuitive Counselor, Life Coach, Emotional Addiction Counselor, author of Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine on