Meeting Our Fearful Illusory Self In Meditation
As an Emotional Addiction Counselor, Hypnotherapist, Intuitive and long time group support leader for Alcoholics and Drug Addiction programs; meditation has always been a ‘go-to’ suggestion to calm the inner demons of addictive behavior and thinking. Most people have problems silencing the mind chatter for it to be effective. So I have often taught people to meditate in comfortable ‘baby steps’ and not look for the big reveal during this silent time. What I discovered with most people who carry guilt, self-loathing and unworthiness (all addiction contributions), they are resistant to meet and connect with what is in that quiet space within themselves. They fear when the connection is made, immediate judgment, hatred, unforgiveness and blame will be staring at them in the face. It is difficult to get someone to understand the very place to start healing oneself is the very place they are afraid of going…..within.
I cannot count the number of times the comment has been made to me (myself included) that “If I knew what the journey of seeking spiritual enlightenment, awakening and healing really was going to cost me, I do not think I would make that same choice today.” Most newbie spiritual seekers think getting closer to the unconditional flawless light of the created self and going within to listen to that small still voice of ethereal wisdom and reason, it will surely be a happy and joyous time from that point on. The reality of true spiritual awakening is the harsh awakening of the illusion of an existence of decaying flesh, unfair situations, judgement, violence and lack of compassion, both from yourself and to you. Life is an experiment to learn learn to love it all, but mostly the ‘you’ who is participating in this aggressive creation.
The main issue with the fear of going deep within to find that place of silence (where all unconditional love of self and connection exists) is you will be judged by what you find in that unknown secret place. We take ourselves much too seriously in the search of awakened perfection for spirit to teach you to laugh at the ridiculousness of how imperfect life is. There is a Christian belief of their savior Jesus, who supposedly uttered these words on the cross while being crucified by the very people he was trying to teach about unconditional love. He was crucified in the aggressive fear of being judged by this seemingly ‘perfect’ being and an all powerful and unseen force he was connected with. A force that would punish them with eternal darkness. He basically preached it did not exist. The words he expressed upon the release of his physical body was; “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Our definition of finding spirituality and getting closer to God is buried in non-existent judgement of ourselves and an illusory creator who’s expectations of you is perfectionism. Neither one of them exist.
What we are even more in fear of, in the ‘silence’ of meditation, the search for the enlightened being to guide you, you will be forgiven be shown a new way of life is only the small part of what we really fear…..meeting yourself in that silence. Then there is only the ‘you’ that is judging; ashamed, guilty, less than or the worst of your fears…..you are without any remorse in your belief that you are lacking the required perfection and would rather just keep on searching for it rather than accept the non-existence of it.
Addictions take you to the silence anyway but a false one of your own making. This is an exercise my first shaman taught those who were learning meditation and were in fear of falling into the abyss of nothingness (seeing themselves as a no-thing) and not being able to come back. He used baby steps. Using an endeared stuffed animal, toy, candy….anything a child would bring if they were offering a gift of friendship to hold onto, which is exactly what you are trying to do….with yourself and a Creator. Embrace that object as tight as you want….knowing that object will always bring you home and nothing out there is capable of denying a child’s pure offering of love.
Our spiritual blocks can go very deep. Better to suffer in the constant search of enlightenment than actually find it. The communal silence is always interpreted by the inner child as darkness and fear of a ‘no-thing ness’ but it is in that very silence that carries the information to show you and help you find the many things to love about you….in the same imperfect perfection as your co-creator does.
No one can help you break your fear of releasing your soul to fly into the silent nothingness if you believe there is no return. But a brave small trusting child action might possibly help you step into the shadows of deep meditation that will help you start being brave enough to see you as you really are…..in fear of the lack of perfection and since you are surrounded by imperfection, self-love will always elude you.
Namaste
‘Courage Sans Peur’ (Courage w/o Fear)
To Contact Susan Z Rich:
Website: www.szrwhitewings.com
Email: szrich@aol.com
407–862–6902
Emotional Addiction Counselor and Intuitive
Author of Soul Windows..Secrets From The Divine on Amazon
