When you make a decision, to say or do something that gives you a good feeling about yourself, then your divine self is patting you on the back or… your ego has just pulled a fast one on you. It is sometimes hard to discern. So many people who are always in reality, believe that making life all about you is the epitome of narcissism and entitlement. But as we are reminded when we start allowing others to vampire every ounce of light and energy we have in the good name of needy help, there is a reason on air flights they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first. Then taking care of others who are unable to. The same rules apply in life, sometimes you just have to save your light and oxygen for YOU to breathe and then assist. Then of course, the next cliche is “Just Say No!!!!”. Almost totally impossible for an insecure nurturer to do, this is where their feel good love comes from. So the fast course solution is to figure out a way to love yourself unconditionally first and more, still having lots left over to share.
It may not be an easy decision for you, even controversial but ultimately you will feel good about what has transpired and done the right thing for yourself, then you are on the right track. The ego and (Inner Child) will try to trick you into thinking that being self-loving and self-absorbed is the same thing. This is where working on your ‘Muchness’ (your sense of worthiness without apology) and having an authentic personal “Tude” comes in handy. Knowing you have the right to think what you want and do what you want because you are willing to take full responsibility and be accountable for those thoughts and actions. I am not talking about false pride or arrogance based on the need to be right, it is when you just know you have done the right thing for yourself but still have compassion for all the participating characters. Most people have the hardest time distinguishing between the Inner Child’s singular demand of “It’s All About Me” and the divine self’s energy of “What About Me?” There is a difference between these two emotions that are deceptively similar.
When the Inner Child is in the energy of, “It’s All About Me, there is no YOU and I mean that, seriously! Every action, every word, nicety, sacrifice, every moment of giving, loving, nurturing or “love, love” you is about manipulating the players in your life to get the Inner Child’s needs met from outside of your own accountability. Your life fills up with compromise, giving to get, resentment, jealousy, bitching and complaining about how no one seems to make YOU a priority. Whether done in suffering silence, whining and complaining in your mind or you are blasting everyone with your victim energy, the results are the same. You feel alone and unloved.
The passive version of this is the ultimate victim; being a wuss, whiny, manipulative, fawning, excessively shy, and fearful of not be liked or loved. The anger is always just bubbling under the surface. These soft, passive/aggressive creatures definitely have claws and they usually cover them up with major niceness. The aggressive version is much easier to spot, as they are usually pains in the butt. They are always complaining about something, demanding, never satisfied, controlling, and laying blame on anyone who is a willing or unwilling target. They do this so you feel guilty enough or emotionally beaten down to give them what they need. If you don’t, then you pay the price of judgment, criticism, sometimes rage and violence or emotional abandonment. Either version is completely self-absorbed, every moment is about getting their needs met. As they truly believe the only way they can get what they need is from outside of themselves.
I have had clients that steadfastly deny they program their actions to only get and see themselves as completely selfless, giving and caring people and actually they are, but if you dig a little deeper, you find the resentment. There deep belief is there always a conditional price to be paid to receive love and that is where the buried anger comes from. You always have to compromise in the giving to get what you need, at the cost of your own nurturing. You usually find yourself always second or worse yet, last on everyone’s list. You are dependent on outside attachments to make you feel loved, safe, valued, worthy and nurtured by what you do for others. That rule applies whether you are the passive or aggressive version of feeling invisible. Doing it silently or screaming. It is still victim energy.
The ego (Inner Child) lives at an emotional level of a 4-year-old. If you allow that 4-year-old to continuously make your emotional and self-worth choices for you by giving in to its temper tantrum of “If I don’t have this or get that immediately, I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!”, then you will never know the authenticity of peace and contentment with yourself, regardless of what you have or don’t have in your life. Embrace the concept that YOU are enough and “all that” and you will silence that needy feeling within you of lacking something or someone in your life to feel complete and loved.
The more harmonious version of the Inner Child’s needs being met is: “What About Me?” Now I know it sounds as though they are the same thing but they are not. So subtle, that the only way to tell the difference is if you stay in a kindness mode to yourself. This is where the ego gets tricky with you and tries to justify that it is ok to disregard and compromise your basic need of self-love, value and worthiness because at least you KNOW you will get something back. How do you honestly feel about yourself? Do you like who you are, do you like what you do, do you take care of your body with respect, honor and love, do you treat others as you would like to be treated? The list goes on and on. The dark side of these needs is the closeted secrets that you hide behind, seen by others with masks of false righteousness, generosity and kindness.
We are now seeing many secret closets opening with the new Aquarian energy on earth. That energy of light is shining on the darkness of fear very intensely now. We see in the news many horrific, shameful and embarrassing details coming to light, being long hidden by religious, political and your friendly next-door neighbor type. The dark truths exposed will leave you with no illusions about how you really feel within. If you are hiding dark fearful secrets, you are guaranteed there is a lot of self-hatred within you that cannot exist in this new light energy. Regardless of what you have done and what secret you believe you need to hide, what only matters is how you feel about yourself and those secrets. The statement of “What About Me?” puts how YOU feel about YOU and then you make all your choices from that place. You must actually like who you are, flaws and all, and be willing to take the hit to the ego in accepting that even though you are not perfect and have seriously fucked up here and there, you still deserve to be first in line to “take care of yourself” before you can be useful and helpful to others. The journey of course, is actually finding that authentic self. Most of us believe there is just too much shit buried we are emotionally unwilling to face that unconditional, kindness and loving self is long gone, never to be brought back to life. If you are not functioning from a place of strength and authenticity, you begin the dance of lying to yourself and others about your motives. If you live every day self-aware (“What About Me?”) and work at avoiding being in the self-absorbed (“It’s All About Me!”), then you will know and feel you are on the right track. Not always easy, actually it is pretty damn hard but the personal sense of self rewards far surpass being uncomfortable for a few to get the big self hug. Live in this energy and there is no reason for dark hidden secrets. YOU are your own guardian of that closet door! Open it and depending on what your personality is….slay the dragons or laugh in their face. Either way you win!
‘Courage Sans Peur’ (Courage w/o Fear)
To Contact Susan Z Rich:
Intuitive Counseling, Spiritual Guidance and Crisis Counselor
Author of Soul Windows..Secrets From The Divine on Amazon
If you are interested in learning more about Soul Windows life cycles and how it effects our experiences and choices and help in understanding how to handle the emotions that come with them, you can also look up my book on Amazon.com. ‘Soul Windows….Secrets From The Divine by Susan Z Rich’. It may just help you to see things from a different perspective.